Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Schadenfreude, or Why It Isn't So Bad To Be A Republican Right Now

Times have been tough for Republicans in the last few years. It seems that many people would rather go on a blind date with Lucifer than countenance being governed by President Bush for 5 minutes. Throw-up-a-little-in-your-mouth-inducing scandals from Republicans Mark Foley, David Vitter, and Senator Tappy-toes, Larry Craig. Losing both Houses of Congress in 2006 despite the Democrats fielding cretins like Jim Webb, who daily shames the good reputation of my beloved Commonwealth of Virginia as its junior Senator. And despite the nearly indescribable incompetence of Democratic leadership of the current 110th Congress, it is almost a certainty that Democrats will actually expand their majority in both Houses in the next elections. And let's not forget the indigestion that is Nominee McCain. It's enough to make you want to move to Canada.

Then, just when it seems that your shiny dreams of Perpetual Republican Domination and Awesomeness (PRDA) are about to be dashed, you get the healing gift of Schadenfreude.

Yes, friends, it is time to take pleasure in the misfortune of the Democrats. There is, of course, the wonderful debacle that is the Democratic presidential primary. The Florida and Michigan problems, the Super Delegates, beer voters v. wine voters. There is so much to be enjoy in the, heh, quagmire that the Democrats have created for themselves that I'll address it more thoroughly in a future post. For now, I'll let Gov. Romney have the last word on the this:

"Listening to Obama and Clinton discuss their national security credentials, Romney said, is akin to “listening to two chihuahuas argue about which is the biggest dog.”

Then there is New York's Governor, Eliot Spitzer. Governor Spitzer was, of course, a star in the Democratic party. Nationally famous for appointing himself the "Sheriff of Wall Street" during his time as New York's Attorney General (although he was a scrupulous as the Sheriff of Nottingham by most accounts), he was elected Governor in 2006 with 70% of the vote promising to "bring ethics back to Albany".

Now, he has been implicated in a high-priced prostitution ring and may be indicted not only for solicitation but on federal money laundering and white-slave traffic charges. (Seriously. The formal name of the Mann Act that Spitzer allegedly violated is the United States White-Slave Traffic Act of 1910.)

This is delicious, of course, because Spitzer is a sanctimonious, self-righteous prat who regularly impugned the motives and character of his adversaries and abused his powers of office in his crusades against "corruption". There was a great piece on Spitzer's rise and fall in the Wall Street Journal yesterday.

Not only is it nice to see a Democratic star knocked from the firmament (many Democrats thought that Spitzer could become the first Jewish president), but the fact that this is being played out in the New York media makes the scandal even more entertaining. To see what I mean, check out the great suggested Spitzer headlines from the readers of the New York Post below.

Best New York Post Readers' Spitzer Headlines

The New York Post, which is famous for its pithy headlines, asked its readers for some headline suggestions regarding the Spitzer scandal. Here are some of the best ones (I won't link to the Post website because some of the suggestions are just plain gross) for your enjoyment:

  • SPITZER INJECTS $4,300 INTO ECONOMY AS PART OF SWEEPING GOVERNMENT STIMULUS PACKAGE [$4,300 was the amount Spitzer allegedly paid for the rendezvous in question]
  • BRINGING PASSION BACK TO ALBANY
  • SPITZER NAMED SOLICITOR GENERAL
  • SPITZER NOW EMINENTLY QUALIFIED FOR POTENTIAL CLINTON ADMINISTRATION POST
  • SPITZER: TAXES UP. PANTS DOWN.
  • TXT FOR GOV: U R N TRBL [Spitzer allegedly used text messages to arrange his liaisons with the call girls.]
  • ELLIOT DE-BRIEFED
  • HOWARD STERN KICKING HIMSELF FOR DROPPING OUT OF '94 RACE
  • NY GOVERNOR GOES UNDERCOVER TO EXPOSE CALL GIRL OPERATION
  • NO HAPPY ENDING FOR SPITZER
  • AT LEAST HE'S NOT GAY [An allusion to former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey was resigned after he admitted to an extramarital affair with another man.]
  • SPITZER GOES OUT WITH A BANG
  • WHAT DID SPITZER HO, AND WHEN DID HE HO IT? [A play on the famous question from the Watergate hearings.]
  • SCHTUPPER-GATE [An allusion to the "Troopergate" scandal where Arkansas state troopers allegedly arranged liaisons for then-Governor Bill Clinton.]
  • BILL WAS CLIENT #1, #2, #3, #4.... [Spitzer was referred to as "Client 9" in the FBI complaint.]
  • GOVERNOR SPITZER HANDS NEW YORK REPUBLICANS SOME TASTY WHORES D'OEUVRES
And my personal favorite:
  • SPITZER MAKES LATE BID FOR DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION!